Shine a little light

I'm on the final day of a 6 week stint "working at home" after my second major foot surgery this year. What I had envisioned as a peaceful and productive six weeks ended up a bit differently. Maybe I set my expectations too high, but I just couldn't seem to get focused for most of it. Somehow this spiraled down into what I'm calling "mild" depression. It is incredibly disconcerting to feel that with all the time in the world on my hands and all the freedom to pursue my dreams on my own flexible schedule, I'm not motivated to much more than stare into space and drool like a zombie. It's been a while since I was so stymied by my own brain - but I've been here before so at least I come prepared! I'm working on a bounce back action plan...

For the past few weeks my sleep schedule has been erratic - alternating nights of insomnia and days of exhaustion. I want to exercise but seem to have no energy. Then I remembered, "hey it's winter and winter in New England stinks!". Actually I love freshly fallen snow and the crisp air, but usually this is a positive sign of ski season - which is of little comfort to me until my foot no longer looks like a circus balloon and I stop walking like a pirate.

Happy Light :)

I know how the short days and long stretches of darkness can affect me, so I decided to shed a little light on the subject. Meet the Verilux HappyLight 6000. Just as you can barely stand to stare into the obnoxiously bright light in this photo, so too does it emanate a radiant glow in real life. *Note, the box should be facing you and you should have your eyes open but don't STARE at the dang thing unless you want to go blind!*.

Light boxes, or "full spectrum lamps" can be used in the winter to treat Seasonal Affective Disorder (a.k.a. the winter blues). The first time I heard about this I thought it sounded like hocus pocus. It turns out research supports the effectiveness of using one of these puppies for about 30 minutes each morning, until spring rolls around, when you can finally go out and get yourself some real sunlight.

Thus far it hasn't worked a miracle for me, but I feel a wee bit more energetic during the day and I'm sleeping a little better at night (without drugs or booze my friends!). So, if you've got the winter blues might I suggest a little light in your life? It's much safer and more effective than tanning (no UV rays) and many models can be found for less than $100.

Tomorrow I head back to my 1-hour-each-way commute and a windowless office, but I have never been so excited to get back on a regular schedule and have some human interaction. Wish me luck!

My review should not be construed as medical advice. You should always consult with your own physician about any physical/mental health concerns you have.

Thirteen

I've got a special place in my heart for the number 13. That's my birthday! Social psychological research has demonstrated that people who share a birth date rate each other more positively, presumably because the shared date gives them an air of familiarity. So maybe 2013 will be a good year for me... we share a special bond after all. This will also be the year that I get married, and after a long journey to that point it is certainly something to be excited about.

I'm starting 2013 with a lot to think about though. Last year I felt like I bit off a little more than I could chew - moving, transitioning into a new job, buying a new car, two surgeries and beginning to plan the wedding. My New Years resolution had been to be more mindful - to slow down, be present and soak up each moment. Somehow the year ended up feeling like it whizzed by before I could blink; instead of slowing down I felt like I was holding on for the wild ride and trying not to lose my lunch after every pot hole.

This year I think I'm going to take a little different route to the same destination. We all have goals that would help us reach our ideal being and I feel so far from any of these. I want to take more time to exercise and to be productive in my career while still leaving some time for a balanced personal life. Staying on schedule for all of these activities requires a certain kind of discipline I find very difficult, so I'm taking that challenge to task. I find that I am a very generous person with my time and energy and I have always been proud of this characteristic. I believe we find the most joy in the time we spend with friends and loved ones, but in this year where my time will be such a precious commodity I think I'm going to have to learn to say "no" a little more often and put myself first. I want to make myself better so that I can be better for others I want to help. That means less baking, more time at the gym and less traveling when possible.

The road I hope to run on some day

In 2013 there is something else I want to tackle. I named this blog in reference to some thoughts I've had for a long time about how to live life when one has had so many challenges heaped upon them. I'm sure everyone has reached a point at some time or another when they just don't know how they are going to handle the next problem or the next piece of bad news. This is a time when our country needs to have a conversation on mental health, not just because we need to protect ourselves from future mass murders and gun slayings but because the world is moving at a pace that will challenge us all. Global warming. Technology that leads us to spend more time each stay staring at a computer than into another human's eyes. Peace and happiness cannot be taken for granted. Though the scary things that happen in the world (or at least get reported in the media) make it seem as though we are hurdling toward doom, I find that people have a way of being resilient and moving forward.  In 2013 I'd like to focus on resilience and strength in mental health, because everyone deserves the chance to reach their potential.